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Education and Living with the Irish Times.(Tuesday January 22nd)

Flying Solo.ie
keeps lone parents in contact

Being a lone parent really does take over your life because your whole life becomes geared around your child, James O'Neill tells Fiona Murdoch

Drogheda dad, James O'Neill, logs-on to the internet every evening at six o'clock sharp. As soon as he's checked his e-mail's, he switches off the computer - that's usually at about 3am!

It is not surprising it takes him nine hours to trawl through his messages: there are 5,000 of them every day - as many as 10,000 at the weekends.

And then there's the phone calls day and night. So many, in fact, that he has had to remove his phone number from the web-site he founded two years ago.
The idea for solo.ie was born on Christmas Eve 1999 when, having tucked his son, Dj, into bed and completed the Santa routine, O'Neill suddenly felt consumed by loneliness.
Realising that there must be many other lone parents feeling the same way he launched the site to put them in touch with one another.
The web being a worldwide Solo.ie received hits from every corner of the globe.

It is, impossible for O'Neill to read every single e-mail he receives. "I pick out the ones with Irish addresses and I make sure to read those," he says. "I get some lovely ones and, just to read them, makes all my hard work worthwhile."
He corresponds regularly with some lone parents. He also travels the length and breadth of the country meeting up with those in distress and helping to set up support groups.

An exceptionally user-friendly site that boasts Golden Web Award, its 1,500 or so pages provide information on a wide range of topics - from tax, budgeting and family law to housing and social welfare entitlements.

A Just for Kids section is maintained by DJ (9) whose interests include Power Rangers and Action Man as well as his play-station and video games. "DJ gets a lot of e-mail's and, as a result, he now has lots of friends in the States," says O'Neill. "He's great with other kids and last year he was nominated for a bravery award for the work he does with children of separated and divorced parents."

Comments posted on Solo.ie's message board suggest that lone parents are delighted to be able to communicate with others in a similar situation. Some wish to talk to the site's founder - hence the phone calls.
On discovering that the person behind the site is a man, however, most are shocked, some frankly horrified. A few even hurl abuse, saying O'Neill couldn't possibly understand their concerns.
On the contrary, he understands only too well because for five years now - since the break-up of his marriage - he has had custody of DJ
He knows the loneliness, feels the pressures and suffers the same stigma as other lone parent.
"Being a lone parent really does take over your life because your whole life becomes geared around your child," he says. "That can be an awful strain. Some people can't organise themselves and they can't manage money."

Not once, however, has he regretted giving up his work as a carpenter to become a full-time dad: "I enjoy being a parent. DJ and I are the best of friends: we do everything together and we have a ball of a time.
"What I don't enjoy is being on my own. I'd love to be in love again and I think anyone who says they wouldn't is kidding themselves."

Sometimes O'Neill worries about who would look after DJ if anything happened to him. This concern was brought home to him one night recently when he woke up with chest pains.
He had to wake DJ and bring him to his elderly mother's house before driving himself to hospital. Although it turned out to be a bad case of food poisoning, it brought home to him the reality of being a lone parent.
"I'm not afraid of telling people that I'm a lone parent," he says,
"In fact, I'm very proud of it."